We Met on the rainny day

It was a heavy rainny day
And I was wet on that day
Thought to meet you the other day
But fate has come its way

We venue at MOS Burger
We sit so close to each other
Having our first date together
And we got to know each other

I told you I wasn't ready
And I am not gonna be sincere
But somehow my heart has fallen already
And You I couldn't stop thinking

We went to bangkok togther
Taking good care of each other
Sitting side by side
I see hope and light,
As the plane brought us to our flight

Back to Singapore,
My heart is tored
The text you send to Jason
that makes my heart bore

You told me your insecurity
I make sure you have my security
I kneel down infront of thee
I propose you to be with me

We are finally together
As we grew closer to each other
I have put my whole heart to thee
And we have our one true kiss

We cooked our army stew
The love and warm we feel
As we eat our delicious meal
My heart feel our love is real

I start to know him very well
With just an eye I can tell
Like a ringing bell
And I Carried him and make sure he never fell

Sweet and loving I do my best
In my arms he always rest
sleeping like a baby in a nest
Kiss him secretly I do best

I thought our kiss will last
but it never does
Each and every obstacle that pass
I thought it would be the past

Obstacle is forever coming,
Thunder storm that wreck our ship
I told myself my love to keep
But it was so hard for me

So we make our own promise
Our love to be and our love to keep
Winter Autumn Summer or spring
Happiness and hope for us shall bring

Broken promises on the hand
Not sure how many times we mend
I wish I am the only one you be with
The love for you and me

But there were obstacle in the frame
No matter how I stop it still came
I lost my hope and my dreams
Saying good bye in our names

All in all I wish you could
Give up this obstacle in the frame
And place our faces and our name
And love each other the same.


All I want is you to stop whoever you are seeing now MB or not. And give them up for our sake. But you gave up on our relationship instead.

I was so looking forward that we could have a staycation again. Spending time together and having delicious food together.

What can I do? I have no right to call u Laopo anymore.

I am afraid to forget you, I am afraid that what we have had disappear. There's so much fear in me. I am not forcing you, I only wish you will be with me and call me laogong again. But I fear that even so you won't treat me the same anymore. You told me you care for yourself more now, it makes me feel that u no longer care about me. I really care about you more then caring about myself but you just never notice it. I know u like to sit window seat bus and I always stand and make sure you take the inner seat. When we have staycation, I know u don't like to sleep near the window, and I will sleep there, only sometime I feel it's safer for you not to sleep near the toilet. When I come find you, I always insist to walk you home to your door step because I know u dislike to walk alone in the dark. When you were deep asleep, I will cover blanket for you. And there are many more which I not sure if you notice it. Sometime when I wanted to send you home but you did not want me to. Maybe you didn't notice all this small little things I did for you.

I was really afraid of you forgetting me, not coming back to me, moving on and what we have had disappear. I have no right to care for you anymore, nor have I the right to bother you. I can only pour my feelings here. You will never know how much you mean to me. I kept reading your msg you send to me today, I kept repeating reading it so many times, thinking will you come back to me? Will you treat me the same as before? Do you still feel the same way like you used to.

I do not dare to think positively that you will, because I am afraid, afraid of what is to be opposite.

I think of you Everyday, every hour, every minutes, every second. I want to text you so much telling you I love you, wishing you will come back to me, wanting to beg you, but I don't have any right to do that now. I feel miserable.

This afternoon before you texted me, I wanted to tell you enjoy your lunch, I don't dare to text with you afraid that we may become friends instead. Looking at the clock, 5.30pm... That's the time I usually text you and we will meet after. 8.30am is the time where I am at the bus stop, greeting you "good morning Laopo 😘😘😘😘. You know I really miss you. I feel heartache when I know I couldn't do that anymore. Everytime I will video call you, or even call you to talk to you, but all this I can never have it again.

The first day~

I am on my way to work now. Now I know why I had that bad feeling previously, and the dragonfly is a transition. I prayed to Mother goddess to be by my side in my most difficult time. Fear is inside me, but I will try to embrace my fear and conquer it.

Last night I received your call, and you told me to have our own cooling period and do our own things. You texted me like a Friend and refused to call me laogong. It makes me feel so confused. I told you to text me when u will call me laogong again, unless you have someone now and you can ignore me, Nor reply me, Nor texts me, Nor should you pity me. I decided not to contact you in our cooling period, I believe if you still love me, you will text me and call me laogong again just like before.

For me a relationship working out or not doesn't mean it doesn't workout because of quarrel Nor disagreement. It's about forgiveness. As we have started too fast and at the same time our relationship has only been six months, surely there will be improvement over the time. Each and everyone relationship is never the same. Especially Aj ones. I know I am very controlling, but I Will take time to loosen it when times passes, I understand everyone have their own limit, and I have too. I recalled my past five years relationship, to think back if I was so controlling like now, infact I was in the first year. I recalled that slowly I wasn't that controlling anymore, and we lasted for five years. But I Guess not every one have the same limitation to give me time.

I never sleep well last night, woke up a couple of times and unable to get back to sleep. It feels like I am sick, the kind of feeling a person have when they are ill. Waking up and prepare myself back to work, going to face reality again.

And you know one thing, I don't want to just be friend.

At lunch time:
I am sitting at kiliney now, and read the text you have send me this morning. I don't know how many times I have read it...can say I really read a lot of times. I am thinking what you're thinking when you wrote this text to me. I know this text was suppose to let me know what you want and at the same time let me understand why. But each moment when I read about the text saying your heart became hardon not to come back to me... I was thinking if u are telling me you are not coming back to me. When you said you wished I have been more supportive, does it mean you still wish I will be more supportive in the future or wished that I were more supportive before?
I decided to ask you and you told me is in the future. When I read that, I felt there's hope.
Since it was a cooling period which you requested I will respect it.

After Lunch:
When I ask you haven't address me as lao gong, you said you don't want and you are sorry. I asked does that mean you want to end it and you said yes... you are sorry. I asked why you said in future you wish that I can let you do the things you want to do, then you told me because you care about yourself more now.
I told you ok and I respect your decision. You have been telling me you love yourself more now, and this is why you took so long this time. You told me I will find someone better then you and you said you are sure I will. I said thanks and you too.

Controlling

...I was controlling because I fear of losing you and because I love you too much.

lovesick

When u told me Pokemon was the game u found that can play with me. I didn't said u can't play at all. U too promised me to play with me and not by yourself. You admit u love your self more now... And I had love u more then myself. If I put all this ahead of you, I will not let u delete those pic u dislike me to post on Fb, and I would have continue to post the things I like to post which u dislike me to do. I have really make adjustment for you, even though it may seems too little for u, u may not realise Nor notice Nor it may not seem to be enough for you. I used to gym three times per week, but I only gym once a week now, not because is due to your dislike, is because I myself want to spend time with you and you just don't know it. i an just saying don't have to play it every single day, every hours mins Nor second. I still want some moments with you, and you only. I am sorry I can't satisfy you. And u have loved yourself more now. There's nothing I can said Nor do already. I really miss those time spending quality time with you without interference.
I enjoyed those days cooking with you and cooking for you. And I was happy u enjoyed those quality time and doing quality things together. It sadden me when you told me you shouldn't have bought those ingredients for me to cook which make you miss your Pokemon raid.

I miss you... You know? I miss u very much... I feel agnonising without you being with me. I miss you badly do you know that? What can I do now? i kept dreaming of you last night, the whole day I was thinking about you. I miss you dearly.

What can I do? I can't do anything now. You love yourself more now.
Do you know not getting your call as usual Nor your text makes my heart sink? Do you know how agonising it is to not to hear from you or not see you just one day? It makes me depress to think that I may not see you again, or you love me differently now. I feel agonising. I feel so down now...

I am having love sick now...

The coldness of the night

I feel very sick today. Feeling moodless to do anything. I went to see a doctor today by myself even I m feeling feverish. Just took medicine and hope to have a good rest which I didn't had last night. Everything is like a dream. When u open ur eyes it's gone. I dunno how to describe my deepest emotion. Sometime I use my heart to think instead of my brain. Tonight is a cold night and I felt cold. I have learn to took care of myself ever since my mum passed on few years ago. I lay on my bed the whole time today, my body have rejected me. Laying down on my bed, looking out at the window beside me now, the dark sky... The coldness of the night, is how I am feeling now.

Sadness overwhelmed me again.

I lost everything dearly to me

I am sorry that I shouted at you.This was the first time I did that. It was the quitting smoking syndrome really. I got mood swing from it and it effected me.

This time I really lost you. I Guess today I lost everything that is dearly to me.

I bought my ciggerette just now and I don't think I am quitting it at the moment.

I am never good for a relationship. I am not going to download any app now.

I Guess I will be alone. No one will love me for who I am. You don't love me anymore because I shouted at you. But when you shouted at me in the past does it mean you don't love me at all? I know I loved you very much, but you don't love me now. You said I disgust you and maybe that's the truth.

I think I am going to breakdown soon.

I just drink one table spoon of cough syrup, I hope it can make me sleep... And I am not sure I can sleep anymore. I don't feel like cooking my rice for my lunch Nor dinner anymore. All I need is you.

I will keep you in my heart. And I know I will miss you.

I am Sorry

I am sorry. Those text wasn't serious at all. I was just being angry. I didn't meet him at all. I know I shouldn't have do that. But you did it too before you should know better then and of cos I know how you feel now as I was you previously when you did that to me. But those text doesn't mean anything really and we did not meet at all if you read it. I know I shouldn't copy the things you did, and after today I will reflect on this. But I really love you. When you text those MB doesn't mean you don't love me at all right?

I don't know how to contact you as you have blocked me off. I am also not sure if you still can receive any of my text now. May be you have decided to leave me and not come back anymore.
But why I can continue and not mind about the past things you did to me is because I loved you and this just surpass it all. I can't imagine what will become the life without you. I have already blocked that person. Just like when you block those MB and the bedok resvr.

Maybe you don't love me anymore after this...
Maybe you won't come back anymore...
Maybe you will ignore me forever...
Maybe...Maybe... all this just kept flowing in my mind right now.

Please come back to me.. Please... I am sorry.

I love you and I want you to be happy. I am sorry I never have been a great boy friend to you. I couldn't satisfy your need. Playing pokemon with you, going out with you, doing the things you liked to do. I am also sorry I downloaded grindr and texted the person last night just because I was angry with you for ignoring me and blocking my call thinking that you are meeting others at that point of time. I am sorry. And I was angry you scanned my QR code without me knowing thats why I said those angry words. I couldn't turn back time nor change what had happened.. I know I am worthless to you now, you may hate me and resent me. Maybe you don't love me anymore now because of this. I am deeply sorry.

Now is lunch time, and i miss you already. I miss the time when you will text me at 11.30am telling me that you are going off to lunch. And I miss the time video calling you... I guess this will never happen again... I am depressed. I don't know what to do now. I kept looking at my phone hoping that I will receive your text, even if you scold me. I know I should have apologies to you this morning but you have ignored me now.

You know... I love you not because I need you...I need you because I love you.

Depression

I am not strong enough when u said u don't love me anymore. This is the first time u said this to me. Though I can appear strong Infront of everyone, but who will know my heart sank so deep into my stomach. I couldn't sleep anymore knowing that he doesn't love me. I feel depressed. Really depressed. The pain is so much to endure. I dunno how long can I endure this pain. I feel like dieing, no one in this world truly love me not even my Father. The only one that love me is my Mother but she's no longer with me now. You know how lonely I feel all the time. I feel really lonely. Sometime I just don't feel like living anymore. I am falling back into depression again.

I really feel agony without you

i dream of you just now. I heard your voice and I saw your face. I feel really sad knowing I can't see you anymore. Although I appear to be strong Infront u all the time but tears are running down my my face now. Your voice and your image kept running in my mind. I don't know what to do now. Can I have a chance? I feel agony without you, I feel really depressed, and I really feel love sick now.

I am sorry

I didn't mean it, I really didn't. I don't mean to say all that to you. I am sorry. I really miss you. I think of you the whole day.

It happened again. The cycle has repeated itself. I feel so depress today, I feel hopeless now. I know I should stop texting you, but I just can't control myself. I feel that my whole world collapsed. I kept asking myself if you still loves me, if you will forgive me, if you will give me a chance?
i told myself if you give me a chance, I will be the one to look for you every day, and be the one to wait for you. I am willing to anything for you as Long you come back to me.

i love u a lot I really do. It was because of that I take in every word you said to heart. I care about how you think of me, and how I am to you, else I will not react the way I did. I do not care about how others think of me, because I only care about how you think of me, and I am deeply sorry and wish you will call me laogong again.

I couldn't listen to anyone, I can't hear them when they talk to me, because all my mind was all about you. I love you very much I really do. And when I love someone too much, I became a different person.

I dunno why it seems like a curse. When I love someone too deep, they will not love me anymore.
I know I always have this issue about taking every word to heart, and I am really trying hard to work on it, and that's why I did not react when u were with me. I dunno what to do now. I feel that I have lost everything.

I couldn't sleep now. I do not dare to text you. I can only pour it here. Please come back... Please come back. I beg you to come back. Please...

I no longer sincere

I lost myself, for not being myself. My bad experience in the past have changed me to who I am now. Where is my sincerity? Sometime u got hurt so much you no longer Wan to be sincere. As in this place, who can be really honest to u? The society is changing and so am I. I love myself more now.

Another Disappointed Date

I didn't know that I like u so much even though I only know u for four days. Nobody hold my hands and kiss me in public with so many people Infront me before. U gave me a memorable experience. I shouldn't have ask if u were meeting someone else, and I also think that I went to look for u at the wrong time because I smell so bad that day rushing down being sweaty to your place and because of this u kept your distant away from me. After knowing this I got phobia and I don't dare to kiss u Nor to hug you anymore. Today I only felt disappointed that what we planned earlier did not happen. Going to pasiris fish farm and walking hand in hand in public and getting our couple cloths. I can be sad now, but I can get over and forget you soon.

回到原点

今天我确定的分手了。当他坦白的告诉我他和别人交换电话后，我就对自己说不行了。如果真的爱，就不会那么容易交换电话，也会给我时间想清楚。本来想清楚明天才告诉他我要和好，也准备要给他我们一个月的礼物，但是知道他可以那么容易又给别人他的电话后，我觉得不行了。如果和好的话，他还会继续和这个人聊天吗？如果在一起久了，有一天吵架了，又会再次和别人交换电话吗？他还怪我说如果没吵到那么够力他也不会这么做，感觉变成是我的错？如果在认识我的时候坦白一点我也不会对他有任何不一样。真心对待他，也做了好多给他，为何早的时候不要诚实对待？我把他的电话抹黑了。我对感情没信心了。我也不敢继续和他在一起了，就算和好，以后还是会有一样的结果。我也早知道我们要的东西不同的。还是回到原点。我也不会再相信感情了。不敢再爱了。就算难过也要吞下去，我也不是第一次有过这样的事，我会看开的。

不想再想了

我不想再想了。我不想像那时的遭遇。恐惧在被伤害多一次。在这圈子找不回以前的那些年了。认真对待换回来的就是这样。心痛不过要忍耐。昨晚一夜又没睡好。感情真的不适合我。要接受骗来骗去骗自己的感情别人做得到我做不到。做不到的话一个人还是好。孤单和寂寞已经是我习惯的东西。愿女神让我心硬，不要像以前心软的我。试了又试，最后受伤还是自己。

一个过客，还有一个新爱

去年：
和那位带我去圣诞节的朋友不在约会了。我也觉得他不够认真，也对我忽冷忽热。在圣诞节前夕她有叫我去她新山的家，不过我拒绝了。也许可能是我每次决绝他的约会，他最后对我没兴趣。她告诉我我们就是朋友，还在了解彼此的朋友，对我来说他那时是个date。所以过后我就告诉他赞赏不会和她联络。不过因为她我忘了那个伤害我的人，所以她也帮了我一个大忙。虽然她也是过客。我以后会和他做好朋友。

2017年:
在新的一年我占卜了我的爱情，问今年爱情如何。看到了一只小鸟飞到了大鸟亲他然后大鸟接受了小鸟。外面射出了共建但是但是射不到它们。这个占卜说今年我会和一个人在一起，外来的阻碍对我们不会有影响。

七日 一月：
我遇见了她。他就过来我的公司楼下等我然后我们一起吃午饭。和他聊天聊的很投机。感觉很好。没想到他的真人看起来这么年轻，我有点惊讶。也是我的类型。很可爱！吃完饭后他就被我去抽烟看我抽烟。我们就坐在外面聊天。我觉得和他聊天很开心，就很舒服可以做我自己。晚上我也去她家附近找他。她住在东部。
另一天上班午饭时间我跑去她做工好的地方和她一起吃饭。和他一起很开心。放工后我就跑去她做工的地方等他下班。等了大概有两个小时。可见我对他的感觉不是一般。他是特别的人。我就在抽烟的地方等她。我送到她家附近，他带我去吃好吃的馄饨面，还有点心。真的很好吃。过后我就送她回家，然后坐电车回去北部。
她有问过我们是什么关系，我也有问过他如果有一天我想做他的男友她会接受我吗？他说他会也告诉我要很认真。有一天时间到了，我会跪下和她漂白叫他和我交往。