A lie to another lie

Today I found out his seeing someone. He never admit to me again. How am I going to be honest to you if you have been never honest to me from the start we are together until now. I have been honest to you from the start, but my honesty will be lesser each time you lied. How can I be honest to you when you aren't to me. You know whatever you do I will forgive you but you choose not to tell me. I can be honest to you if you will start to be honest to me now.

9.44pm

I finally saw him online, but i am afraid to text him. I am afraid that he will tell me that he no longer want me. I did not call him because I fear that I may hear that blocked voicemail speaking back to me which makes my heartache. I can only type it here. I miss u dearly. How I wish we could overcome it and be happy together. I feel miserable not to talk to you and texting you. I wish we could text each other and call our dearly names again. I am sorry I make you unhappy.

4:03PM

Lunch time I went to the temple again today. I got a divination lot asking if we still have the chance to be together. The lot told me this was a difficult moment and situation i am facing, and it is useless to be worrying or feeling upset. The lot tells that this difficulty will settled by its own when the times come, and everything will go smoothly and easy after.

I suddenly miss the time having vidcall with you...

I can't denied that I misses you. You have already blocked all my contacts. There are no other ways to contact you anymore. The only way is to type out whatever I am feeling here.

I am sorry I shouldn't micmic you using tumblr to make you angry...

Please don't leave me...

I kept going whatsapp to see if you are online. But you still blocked me... I guess you don't love me anymore.

伤心难过痛心

为什么你要这样子对我！？ 为什么！？

I guess you are happy without me now.

第一天的犹豫

I guess you have found someone. Just because I only wanted you to know how it feels if I used tumblr. I always forgive you even what you did with the MB, but you treated me this way now.
I feel very depressed today. You just ignore me and block me like this, 你真的对我很狠心。你知道你这样对我，很伤害我吗？你就这样狠心的和我分手。就因为我和你一样用了那个Tumblr你要这样对我？为什么你不想那时你和那个Escort作的事？为什么你现在又对我如此？为什么？

我的心很痛。你不会知道我的心现在有多痛。

你舍得

想不到你可以舍得放弃我们的感情。 我舍不得的你都舍得了。

一切就像泡沫一样的在一瞬间消失了。

再也看不到了。

A simple vidcall

You don't even understand how I feel. You don't understand what I am going through at all. Even i loved you, I Wan you to do this simple thing to just make me feels better but you can't do it. It doesn't take $150 at all, Nor it takes a lot of time to do. It's just a simple videocall at a selected time. I Guess you are the one who loved yourself more, else you wouldn't wanted to enjoy by paying to be pleasured.  You have not notice that I have loved you more then myself. Else I wouldn't have called you, Nor will I try to save this relationship. If I have loved myself more, as for others who love themself more they will leave you, and so will you if u were in my shoes. May be because you know that I loved you a lot, and you know that whatever you do I will always stick with you. Even if I do, you don't care about how I feel. If u do, you won't have find that mb in the first place. If you do, you will do what I suggested and try to makes me feel better. But you are not doing anything but only by saying sorry. An only Sorry is not going to totally help me to feel all better. You don't even bother to help me to be heal by just simple videocall.

I still loves you

I feel so down today. I didn't go to work today.
I feel so down to know that you no longer love me. Why did I ask you is because I still loved you. But I know there's nothing I can do and I know I can't see you again. I feel depressed. When I wokeup today I thought and wished everything was a dream. The whole day you were in my mind. Even u have done it with him but deep in me I have already forgiven you. I just want to be with you. But you told me you don't love me anymore, and that's the truth. I can't change it at all. I can only take time to accept this fact. I Guess you be happier without me. I know I am stupid, but I can't denied the fact that I loved you. My true feeling is I still loves u. But you don't anymore. I can only find ways to accept this.

Last night I kept waking up to check if you texted me, but you didn't. You know I missed you calling me laogong. I misses your morning greetings. Everytime I looked forward for 5.30pm and looked for your text at that time, because that's the time we were plan to meet. Now is 6pm. I Guess this will never happen again.

Do you know why I still look forward for your text? Because I still loves you and that's the fact. But my heart is so painful now knowing that you don't love me anymore. I really loves you, no matter what u did I will always forgive you. Even if I said those angry words it's just because I was angry. It's just normal for me to be angry over what had happened. I am just a human.

I will miss our weekend, cooking together, looking at you sleep, tickling your nose when you were and kissing your lips when you were asleep.


I feel so emotionally down now.

I am just a fool

I couldn't sleep at all. I couldn't sleep well this time round. You told me you don't love me, and u even said who knows I meet others.. This words really hurt me. I feel depress. I felt being treated like a fool. I feel horrible. You already don't love me when you let that mb... i am just a fool.

心痛了

今天是一个不好受的日子。身体上还有我的心。发生这事过后，你才决定告诉我真相。其实在21日二月晚上你有了那个不好的欲望，你因该告诉我，让我制止你就好了。不过你的欲望对我给你的爱被这给盖住了。如果世界上每个每次都会有如果，事情就不会变成这样复炸。我为什么每次都提醒你，每次罗里罗说的告诉你，是因为我要保护我们的安全，保护我们的感情。尽然事情发生了就没办法改变。其实这个对我来说不是个大事，it will be healed. 谁让会恢复，不过我的心就不知道了。

我的心感到好难受。一想到你和他成为一体就让我觉得好难受。想到自己的男友给别人。。。想不到我们的爱变成那么的小，那么的微小。今天在外面，我的心已在流泪，我的心好痛好痛。在写道这个痛的同时泪水已留下了我的脸颊。我的心很不好受。

我不知道该如何继续爱了。。。

我知道我要面对现实，面对着背叛，面对这个伤痛。

我告诉知己要冷静思考，冷静的想，不要让我的情绪音响我的判断力。
我的情绪现在很不稳固。。。我需要时间冷静。

今晚我睡不着。。。我好难过，好难过。。。我只想把窗口关起来，关掉电灯。。。一个人在一个角落。。。

我还记得那时候我梦到我的妈妈问我，我会幸福吗？我告诉他我很幸福别担心。
我每次受到了委屈我就好想好想妈妈。好想告诉她😢