The first day~

I am on my way to work now. Now I know why I had that bad feeling previously, and the dragonfly is a transition. I prayed to Mother goddess to be by my side in my most difficult time. Fear is inside me, but I will try to embrace my fear and conquer it.

Last night I received your call, and you told me to have our own cooling period and do our own things. You texted me like a Friend and refused to call me laogong. It makes me feel so confused. I told you to text me when u will call me laogong again, unless you have someone now and you can ignore me, Nor reply me, Nor texts me, Nor should you pity me. I decided not to contact you in our cooling period, I believe if you still love me, you will text me and call me laogong again just like before.

For me a relationship working out or not doesn't mean it doesn't workout because of quarrel Nor disagreement. It's about forgiveness. As we have started too fast and at the same time our relationship has only been six months, surely there will be improvement over the time. Each and everyone relationship is never the same. Especially Aj ones. I know I am very controlling, but I Will take time to loosen it when times passes, I understand everyone have their own limit, and I have too. I recalled my past five years relationship, to think back if I was so controlling like now, infact I was in the first year. I recalled that slowly I wasn't that controlling anymore, and we lasted for five years. But I Guess not every one have the same limitation to give me time.

I never sleep well last night, woke up a couple of times and unable to get back to sleep. It feels like I am sick, the kind of feeling a person have when they are ill. Waking up and prepare myself back to work, going to face reality again.

And you know one thing, I don't want to just be friend.

At lunch time:
I am sitting at kiliney now, and read the text you have send me this morning. I don't know how many times I have read it...can say I really read a lot of times. I am thinking what you're thinking when you wrote this text to me. I know this text was suppose to let me know what you want and at the same time let me understand why. But each moment when I read about the text saying your heart became hardon not to come back to me... I was thinking if u are telling me you are not coming back to me. When you said you wished I have been more supportive, does it mean you still wish I will be more supportive in the future or wished that I were more supportive before?
I decided to ask you and you told me is in the future. When I read that, I felt there's hope.
Since it was a cooling period which you requested I will respect it.

After Lunch:
When I ask you haven't address me as lao gong, you said you don't want and you are sorry. I asked does that mean you want to end it and you said yes... you are sorry. I asked why you said in future you wish that I can let you do the things you want to do, then you told me because you care about yourself more now.
I told you ok and I respect your decision. You have been telling me you love yourself more now, and this is why you took so long this time. You told me I will find someone better then you and you said you are sure I will. I said thanks and you too.