Working things out

For me I can't just ignore what happened and move on of the situation and continue to spend time together. This issue is not addressed. If I were to just ignore of what happened, and don't settle it, even if we continue and treat things did not happen, this problem is still there, and will always be there. His said he was sorry it's his fault, but I don't think he meant it. If he does, when I try to talk about his issue, he will not make it like my problem again. It became I am the problem. I can't be with someone who always never will address his own issue. And make others the issue. I can't continue like this.

Like I said I wouldn't want a open relationship if he does not find mb behind me. But yet he can push all this back to me. How to be together with someone who can't even not be defensive for once, just accept the fact that he is wrong? Coming back to the hitting part, what makes a person have the right to hit him and injured him just because he ignore him? It's a criminal offence and yet he think he is right. Everything he do he will always one to be the right one and others are all wrong.

How am i going to continue or why should I continue being with him when he never will want to address this issue at all? Yes he is caring, he is commited. But when there is a issue, he just like to surpass it and ignore it and treat it as nothing happened and not going to talk about it. This will just keep on and on and we will never stop quarrelling until he face the fact that this issue be addressed.

If he want to said its my own issue, then he should find someone who always ignore and run away with problem.

I will not be with him until he is willing to accept that his willing to face his own issue and work it out with me by listening to what I have to say and not taking all my words as a Attack and becoming defensive all and again.

Turn to foam~

I went to the gym today. Though my thoughts is all about him, there's no use of thinking anymore. Today is third day of the full moon, I decided to spend my time with the goddess tonight. Bought milk and flowers as usual. Thinking about everytime my prayers relate to my relationship. Everyday I prayed that my relationship will survive and strive but somehow my prayers have not been answered. Maybe it was meant to be.

Upon returning home, I greeted the trees and the wind as usual, seems like my day have back to the usual routine. Taking the lift to level 10 where is live, I open the door of the exit staircase where I usually smoke and think about things there, I found my private space there. When his face pop up in my mind, the first time seeing him waited for me at mos burger, I cried. While I am writing this I am crying too. I cried because I morn. I morn the death of this relationship. I just kept asking myself why? Why will his interest in me faded, has turn to foam and evaporated。

I no longer can stick to him anymore.

He blocked me again. I don't want it anymore. I know I had tried my best. I can't sleep well every night this days. Especially we crossed the line last Saturday. I do feel weird now. He told me he promised me he will not leave me no matter what. But he blocked me again this time. And I tell myself this is the last time for me now. Gd bye, u will nv see me again. I feel depressed actually ever night especially since that day. My depression is killing me

过界

今天我拿起了勇气和他过了界线。因为我知道如果我不那么做，也许我们彼此都不会面对我们终有的问题。在那段时间，我心中的野性出现了，也许这就是我本来就有的魔性冲不表喽出来。我们变的跟了解对方的喜好。过后我希望他会真心告诉我他内心里音长多年的秘密。

以前我很保守，也不赞同这些做法，不过我想了许多，许多的事冲不能解决。我很爱他，也决定想要和他做他喜欢的事，所以我决定面对，也和他面对我们彼此共有永久的问题。也释放了我心中的魔。