Why I never say good bye in my text

He never knows how I feel. He will never know. Looking at our photos, and some of the photo i took for him while he was singing, while he was eating... he just never know.
I may have not met his expectations, but he have already forgotten when I look for him, I always make sure to send him to his door step.

I got this morning depression again, I woke up exactly the same time every morning by myself without the alarm ringing. That depressive and miserable feeling will start at this point of time. He may think I am stupid, why I still stick to him no matter how many times he cheated or how many times the things he does that hurts me, because I accepted him and embraced him. At that very first time when I kneel down and gave him the flowers, I have already decided I will be with this person and will never let go... unless he wants me to leave and no longer needs me.

I texted him this morning, and he insisted to end it. He no longer needs me anymore. Every time when he said "good bye lao gong" I will always "replied "hello lao po". I said that because I always hope and wish that I will never need to leave him in anyway, I will never need to leave him behind..I will never need to say good bye.
But today I replied him good bye. Because he wants me to go.

I guess I will never have the chance to be the first to wish him nor to celebrate with him because he already have someone who replaced me. So I wished him in advance today.

I am always afraid to forget him, but now I have to.

Death of a relationship

When I am in a relationship, I don't easily fall into another person. Even if how many times my partner did wrong to me, I will always forgive and compromise. Even if opportunity come to me, I will reject it and never forsake my relationship and start a new one, because if I do, what does this relationship meant to me?

For me my own theory was whatever reason he brought up, those weren't the main reason. The real reason was that he has fallen for him.

Even if I contacted him on last Saturday or Sunday, even if we reconcile that time, he will still continue seeing that guy, keeping me in the dark and it really make no difference. And for the reason why he liked him, deep in me I know the answer and I shall not mention here. But definitely there's nothing to do with me.

Its really hard for me to change into someone who will take relationship lightly, because I don't easily fall in love or out of love. For this two betrayed experience or a few I can say that i had have, it will not change me to someone else who treat relationship lightly.

I will open myself to opportunity. One door closes and new door opens.

Today my sight became so bright in a sudden, and this feeling seems nice, I guess I have awaken from my own hindrance.

 The relationship have died, and I mourn for it. Not because I still wish or hope to continue it, but the death of it. I will never stick to someone who fallen for another person nor someone who no longer loves me.

I will give my heart to someone who really needs it, someone who really needs me, someone who truly loves me.

Moving on

If you were attached with someone, and this person cheated on you so many time and you forgiven him, but when you found out that he went behind your back dating someone and decided to try it out with him and let go of this 1 year plus relationship how would you feel?

After reading his lovey dovey msg with that guy I was surprised how much his into that guy and he still monitoring his movement.

I am letting go this time.

He has someone

I wokeup very early today, didn't sleep well, cos I did missed him. But I don't think he miss me anymore as he have someone new and he will be the one spending quality time with him and his birthday. If he Is not dating anyone he will be texting me or calling me already.

I Guess his enjoying with his new date now.

If he isn't going to give up on him, and contact me by today, my feeling for him will slowly fade into the mist.

心灰意冷

I believe that he met someone on Hari Raya. When I texted him at 4.30pm that time I was going to ask him out, though I said I wanted to save money and eat home I didn't mention that I am not meeting him. Though I said I didn't want to celebrate his bday but do you think I really won't? If his really angry with me that time he would have reacted earlier and not just went missing for 13 hours without replying me or calling me back. And I know him too well, he will at least quarrel with me before disappearing, but it didn't happen. The next day he just used this reason as an excuse.

I believe he have known someone new, maybe even earlier then that. In the past I can always forgive him even if he cheated or betrayed me as I find those were meaningless encounter. But for this incident which he went missing for 13 hours, I believe he had met someone and spend the time with him til the next day, and I believed he liked this someone else he won't spend such quality time with him.

He had forgotten the time when he got into the car accident, who was the first one who rushed there for him beside his parents. I even stayed there longer then his parents and accompanied him until he sleep.

真是令我心灰意冷。

To him  relationship is like a job and can be replaced anytime.

The time we have had became nothing.

一切成了泡影。