What can I do? I have no right to call u Laopo anymore.

I am afraid to forget you, I am afraid that what we have had disappear. There's so much fear in me. I am not forcing you, I only wish you will be with me and call me laogong again. But I fear that even so you won't treat me the same anymore. You told me you care for yourself more now, it makes me feel that u no longer care about me. I really care about you more then caring about myself but you just never notice it. I know u like to sit window seat bus and I always stand and make sure you take the inner seat. When we have staycation, I know u don't like to sleep near the window, and I will sleep there, only sometime I feel it's safer for you not to sleep near the toilet. When I come find you, I always insist to walk you home to your door step because I know u dislike to walk alone in the dark. When you were deep asleep, I will cover blanket for you. And there are many more which I not sure if you notice it. Sometime when I wanted to send you home but you did not want me to. Maybe you didn't notice all this small little things I did for you.

I was really afraid of you forgetting me, not coming back to me, moving on and what we have had disappear. I have no right to care for you anymore, nor have I the right to bother you. I can only pour my feelings here. You will never know how much you mean to me. I kept reading your msg you send to me today, I kept repeating reading it so many times, thinking will you come back to me? Will you treat me the same as before? Do you still feel the same way like you used to.

I do not dare to think positively that you will, because I am afraid, afraid of what is to be opposite.

I think of you Everyday, every hour, every minutes, every second. I want to text you so much telling you I love you, wishing you will come back to me, wanting to beg you, but I don't have any right to do that now. I feel miserable.

This afternoon before you texted me, I wanted to tell you enjoy your lunch, I don't dare to text with you afraid that we may become friends instead. Looking at the clock, 5.30pm... That's the time I usually text you and we will meet after. 8.30am is the time where I am at the bus stop, greeting you "good morning Laopo 😘😘😘😘. You know I really miss you. I feel heartache when I know I couldn't do that anymore. Everytime I will video call you, or even call you to talk to you, but all this I can never have it again.